October 2025

The Fundraiser 

“Where’s Red?” Frank asked. 

“He’ll turn up.” Martha said. 

Sally Herring pirouetted, announcing, “Welcome to Fully Booked!”

With a lecherous grin, Slim, Sally’s husband, slurred, “I wanna read your pages, baby.”

Nervous, Sally seized Slim’s seaweed tonic, declaring, “Tonight’s funds will cover Red’s medical expenses!” 

Fish blooped in celebration, bubbles rising like reversed raindrops; Slim scowled. 

An Occurrence 

A week ago, Red swam with his school, The Millionaires, as yellow-eyed, feathered bodies darted towards them. 

The birds glided with ease, perfectly in sync through the salty sea. 

The Millionaires emerged from the booby battle unscathed except for Red, who suffered a tiny dorsal tear. 

After the horror ended, the Millionaires listened to a bird say, “You can’t catch a herring, Bernice!” 

“Shut up, Brian.” 

A Discovery 

The fundraiser was going spectacularly until a mortifying scene: Red Herring, lifeless, drifted past the crustacean station. 

“He’s dead!” shouted Frank! 

The Interviews 

Within his reef, Detective Moray listened to the suspects.

“It was that bird,” Martha declared. “Red humiliated her, escaping her attack!” 

“Martha never liked Red swimming with The Millionaires,” Frank said. 

“We never argue,” Slim said. “Sally, you know…she and Red used to dance together with The Tin Can Company. But that didn’t bother me.” 

“Red was nice,” Sally said, bending her knees outward into a plié. “He helped at the bookstore sometimes, but we were just friends.” 

Bernice poked her head into the shallow end of Moray’s reef, grunting, “Herring? I eat them only on weekends.” 

With a graceful slinky S shape, Moray opened and closed his mouth, studying his notes, bubbles rising then popping. 

The Autopsy 

Patricia Seahorse, the coroner, called a week later with the autopsy report. “I found the words Fully Booked pressed into Red’s scales.” 

“Interesting,” Moray said. 

“I surmise the origin of this mark is from a ring.” 

Moray remembered seeing a ring just like that on Slim’s right pectoral fin. 

“One more thing,” Patricia said. “Red didn’t have a dorsal fin.” 

An Arrest

Moray swam into Fully Booked declaring, “Slim Herring, you’re under arrest for the murder of Red Herring.”

“I’m innocent,” Slim cried. 

The Trial

Bill Parrotfish reported that Slim testified, “That flirt deserved my beating.” 

Parrotfish likened the jury's unanimous gasp to “taking the water out of their gills.”

At the trial’s end, the forefish announced, “Slim Herring, we find you guilty of murder!” 

“You got it all wrong!” Slim hollered. 

Retribution 

Brian wobbled up to Bernice, croaking out duck-like sounds. Lifting his blue feet for approval, she was unimpressed. 

“Did you hear about that murder trial? A bookstore owner murdered a herring in a jealous rage.” Brian said. 

“Such a shame.” Bernice trumpeted.

“I guess he was better at killing herring than you,” Brian snarked. 

“Real funny.” Bernice said, waddling away. 

As the sun set, Bernice nudged her beak into the beach grass, revealing a small, fleshy triangle hidden amongst the rocks. Her face beamed with satisfaction. 

Gently whistling, she cozied in, shutting her eyes for a restful night.